Every November, a month long event occurs around the globe. It brings millions of writers together for an epic quest; to write a novel in a month. Whilst it is possible to write a book in a short space of time, it is nearly impossible to write one that makes any sense. Unless you’re a genius. Or in prison.
But what the hell eh? As I mentioned in my last post, I thought I’d keep a daily diary of what I’m thinking as I write. Or not write. So here it is so far in its 12A-PG13 edited glory. The final part will be released next week once the marathon is over.
November 1st
Day 1
All set to write 50,000 words of a future masterpiece. I have the plan. I have the tools. I have the power. I have the knowledge that I’ve written a book this year already which makes me feel super confident that I can do it again. No problemo. And in a month. Because I’m awesome. I’m ready to go!
Except today is Sunday. I always sleep in on a Sunday.
November 2nd
Day 2
It’s Monday and I have a day off on my regular work schedule. Which means it’s time to write what I want to write without having to worry about someone else’s deadline. Yes! The keyboard awaits and I am the King.
Time to consult my story plan.
November 3rd
Day 3
Story plan is rubbish and goes in the bin.
Got 1,000 words in and got bored.
New plan – invent more interesting story.
November 4th
Day 4
New story is a satirical comedy about death. I’m already laughing my head off.
November 5th
Day 5
Fireworks are pretty. Also my satirical comedy about death is no longer a satirical comedy about death. It’s now an action thriller about mutant ninja kittens. From Scotland.
November 6th
Day 6
Mutant Ninja Kittens are hard to empathise with. So they’ve gone into the bin. My main character is the Prime Minister of England. I like her. She’s tough, decisive, and has decided not to divulge some very personal information to her family. Not sure I’d make that call, but hey that’s me. She’s also not a mutant ninja kitten. I may be onto something here.
November 7th
Day 7
I’m eating a chocolate chip cookie. I like chocolate chip cookies. And Tyrells Mature Cheddar and Chive crisps. Not together. Obviously that would be wrong.
November 8th
Day 8
It’s Sunday again. It’s also bloody cold so I’ve gone for a run in the gym. It helps to warm my brain up. My brain is like a Ford Transit. It takes ages to get going, but once it starts it’s really hard to make it stop. It’s frightening. Just like a Ford Transit.
November 9th
Day 9
I’ve written 15,000 words. Boo yeah! It would have been 20,000 words, but I had to commit kitten related literaturecide a few days ago. I just made up a new word. In your face Oxford English Dictionary!
November 10th
Day 10
My story is populated with 4 main characters. A mother, father, son and daughter. It sounds boring. Like one of those wank ‘literary’ novels I usually hate. Weird thing is I can’t stop writing it at the moment. If anyone sees me chuckling to myself don’t worry I’m not mad. I’m a writer. It’s kind of similar. Whatever, just don’t call an ambulance or the police on me.
November 11th
Day 11
An old lady just glared at me in Tescos. I was just trying to get some milk and she told me I had no respect. It was only when the guy behind the checkout didn’t move or talk to me that I realised it was remembrance day and I went to get milk during the 2 minute silence.
I think about sitting in a corner to think about what I did. But I have too much work to do so I don’t.
NEXT WEEK
WILL JOHN DISCOVER A WAY TO FINISH HIS STORY WITHOUT MUTANT NINJA KITTENS?
WILL HIS FRIEND’S GERMAN SHEPHERD PROVIDE AN INTEGRAL PLOT TWIST?
WILL JOHN BE MAN ENOUGH TO SHOW HIS FACE IN TESCO AGAIN?
FIND OUT NEXT WEEK ONLY ON JOHN’S BLOG & NEWSLETTER
Hilarious! Another great blog entry, John. This cracked me up. In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have been reading it on my phone….during work….while in a meeting. But if you schedule an 8am-4pm conference call two days in a row then you should really expect some multi-tasking to occur (though, commenting on said blog while still on the meeting is probably wrong….I should really get back to work now).
Can’t wait for the next installment!
Thanks Kristen. Real life is always odder than anything I can come up with. I did go back into Tescos the other day, but the old lady wasn’t there and it was a different bloke on the checkout. As for the book’s progress…well you’ll find out next week!