I have been given a brutally honest awakening about the dangers of being…well…so brutally honest.
It’s hard to admit when you’re wrong.
Oh Hamburgers!
I don’t know anyone who can casually sail through life allowing criticism to bounce off them harmlessly. Writers and artists in particular can find it really hard to take criticism. But to be successful and grow as a writer (and as a human being) we have to learn to accept and where applicable learn from negative feedback. Well, I’m learning slowly.
I received some negative feedback this week from a friend about my writing. It wasn’t the writing itself that garnered the criticism (although I know that can always use an edit or 20), but the content of the writing. I had spoken about her in an earlier post and whilst I thought I had written about her in a teasingly complimentary way (I call it “Positive Piss Taking”) and posted what I thought were some nice photos, it turns out she didn’t take it that way. In fact she was quite upset and bothered about it.
Naturally Captain Brutal here had no idea that he had caused her to be upset.
Even though she had subtly mentioned the post to me.
Several times.
Over a week.
Twice on one day.
Me being a (occasional) moron, casually dismissed her comments with an airy flick of my writerly hand. I’ve known my friend for several years and she has a wicked, sarcastic amazing sense of humour. Whenever we meet up at least half of the evening or day is spent mocking the other in a friendly way. Harmless banter and witty repartee…though it pains me to admit that hers is often the wittier banter.
So when I decided to write about her in passing about a fun night out we had, it never occurred to me that I should check my language and banter at the blogging door. We say deliciously rude and sarcastic things to one another all the time in person, but we mean no harm by it. The rules change though when it comes to taking that banter off line and moving it online, and I hope this post will serve as a fair warning to not only myself, but to all those other writers and bloggers I know. The people who inspire us to talk, write and blog about so enthusiastically…are people.
They have feelings. They laugh, and make us smile, they tell us interesting stories and make us think. They get upset…that upsets us.
It’s easy to forget that when you write about people or are inspired by people you know in your life, they’re not just characters you can play with in a story. They are human beings just like you. They might not appreciate the time you spend together being splashed all across the web for all and sundry to see. Their time with you is special as it’s personal to them and to you.
Now I’m not saying that we should all just shut up shop and not talk about anything that’s happening in our lives. The old cliché “Write what you know” is a cliché for a reason; it’s true. The very best stories come from real life experience. What I am saying is that if you are going to blog or write about people you know and care about, be aware and exercise some caution before tapping away at your keyboard without a care in the world. If you can, try and put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself how you would feel about having your time out with a friend being written about for a wide audience? Your intent might be innocent. You might even think it complimentary to write amusingly about someone you know. What you say on a one-to-one basis is very different to what you say on paper or online – for a start there’s another person at the other end able to give a witty retort.
What you say on paper or online can be harmful no matter how innocent the intent. Also it can be professionally dangerous should someone who doesn’t know you that well take offence.
I’ve had a slap in the blogging face in the past week and even though I initially couldn’t understand why, when things were explained further and I began to think about it more carefully, I do now understand that you have to be aware of people’s feelings and not just your own desire to tell a story and amuse an audience. This rings true with virtually every piece of writing or story you want to tell. I’ve since edited the original post that caused the upset partly by subtle request but mostly because I finally realised it was the right thing to do.
Which is why I am now going to go on record and apologise both to my friend and to anyone else I’ve written about who may have got upset/angry and not have found my brutal honesty as amusing as I or others did.
I’m sorry.
I’m also sorry for sounding like the CEO of BP there.
As I said to the Content Editor of a dating site I write for, “I’m not an expert, I’m a moron.”
That’s as maybe.
But I am learning.
I trekked all the way up to the top of this mountain to say….sorry!
THIS WEEK’S FUN FREEBIE:
SOME SAFE BLOGGING GUIDELINES
1. Check with people before you write about them freely online.
Tell them what you’d like to write about and why. 9 times out of 10 they’re fine with it, but that one time you don’t check you might find yourself on a hiding to nowhere and facing an awkward case of the “I’m so sorries!” (I am a case in point) or worse; legal action.
2. Be real.
It’s easy to tell which blogs are written by paid copywriters and which are written by people who care. You can still write real without upsetting people.
3. Check your facts.
Just because you say its true doesn’t make it so. If you’re going to spout off about films, pants, cocktails, dating or motherhood, you better god damned make sure you know what the hell you’re talking about.
4. Remember your audience
Yes you’re writing for you…but you want other people to read it right? Be aware that people (hopefully) are reading what you write. Give them what they like and respond well to. Don’t overindulge yourself…he says removing the pot that boiled the kettle black.
5. Be honest. Be fair. Be kind.
If you’re going to be brutally honest in your blog great! But give the people and subject matters you’re being brutally honest about the opportunity to respond to your opinion. For one thing it makes for a more engaging blog, for another it makes it real, but above all it respects your readership.
